I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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