he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
