"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
