obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
