Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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