May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'd cum for enchiladas.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize
