I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
