Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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