O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
