and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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