I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
