I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
