She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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