i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
