Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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