I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Randomize
