a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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