Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
