addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
