I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
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