Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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