so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
