his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
