I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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