Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
So here I am, sexting at work.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
