Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
