According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
