I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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