If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
