Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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