Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
