i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Randomize
