I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
worst night to have a conscience
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
