I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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