You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize