Everything about him screamed your future.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
