I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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