Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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