i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize