You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Randomize
