I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
