I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Terrible idea I love it
Randomize
