ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
worst night to have a conscience
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize