if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
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