Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
