..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
