It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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