The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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