Ambien. No doubt about it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
