Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
