dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
