where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
