oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
