The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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