I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
