imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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