boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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