The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
