69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
It's blow job season.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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