If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
