a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
