hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
