Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
