Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
