Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
