Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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