TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
