I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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