i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize