Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
