Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
