she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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