mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
The Olympian is in my bed
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize