First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
