He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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