I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
