just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize