I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
