i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
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