i can't believe i had my finger in that
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize