i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I want to fling myself into the sun
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
