i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
