He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
