I puked a lego.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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