Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
