tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
Randomize
