It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
NoShamevember. You game?
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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