there's paper in my vomit.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
