I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
