I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
