Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
