I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize