I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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