i permit you to call me
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
