All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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