Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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