With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
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