I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
