mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
