I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
