Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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