she kept yelling 'call me bella'
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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