dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
