Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
