I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
